5 Tips on Support and Advice for Foster Teens and Children who Identify as LGBTQ

Despite the fact there’s more and more visibility for the LGBTQ+ community today, coming out and expressing one’s gender and sexual identity can still be a challenging and emotional process. While in past generations, people tended to come out in teenage and their adult years, today, because of increased visibility, children and teenagers are coming out earlier and feel more comfortable interrogating and expressing their gender identity sooner. However, the LGBTQ+ community still faces discrimination, bias and stigmatization. This can come from social groups, the media and even some governmental and healthcare systems. It’s well documented that this negative bias can have a big impact on the mental health of people – and especially young people – from the LGBTQ+ community. If your foster child has recently come out, are struggling with their gender identity, or otherwise part of the LGBTQ+ community, it’s important to know how to support them and care for them in the best way possible. 

Orchard Fostering, recently registered as a Pride at Work partner, offers help and support to foster children who are LGBTQ . We want to share some of the ways you can show support and offer advice. Here are some practical tips to keep in mind:

If you’re interested in fostering, please reach out to Orchard Fostering today. We’re available on the phone or via email – you can also fill out a form directly on our contact page.

• Listen to them. The first and most important thing you can do to support your foster child or teen is to listen to what they have to say. Make sure that you have the time and space so that they feel comfortable expressing themselves. It’s important not to rush them or put words in their mouth. Only they know what’s going on for them. 
• Educate yourself. If you’ve never had a friend or family member who identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community, you might not be familiar with some of the difficulties they face. To be able to support your foster child or teen best, it’s a great idea to educate yourself further especially about their specific situation. It’s also ok to be honest about anything you don’t understand and ask respectful questions. This is generally better than making assumptions about someone’s identity. You can read more about the LGBTQ+ community online, in books, by watching documentaries and by attending events run by organizations that support and advocate for LGBTQ+ people.
• Respect their privacy: Having a foster child who is coming to terms with their gender or sexual identity can be challenging for foster parents too. But as much as you want to be involved and support them, it’s important to remember this is about them, not about you. If they want to share more information, give them the time and space to do so. Listen with understanding, never with judgement. The extent of personal information they share and when they share it is entirely up to them, and you should make sure they know that. They may not be comfortable with opening up to certain family members or peer groups yet and it’s important that they aren’t pressured to do so. Make sure never to share their personal information without their consent. When they feel ready, you can help them prepare for these conversations and offer support when it’s needed. 
• Use their preferred name and pronouns: Whether you’re providing long term foster care or supported lodgings, while your foster child is navigating their identity it’s important to make them feel respected and included. Although it might be strange at first to use a new name for your foster child or teen, using a person’s preferred name makes them feel valued. The same goes for using a person’s preferred pronouns. If you’re not sure, you can ask your foster child which pronouns to use. It is important to make sure that the rest of the family are educated and know which name and pronouns to address the foster child.   
• Seek support: It’s okay to feel a bit overwhelmed and confused when trying to support and offer advice to your foster child who is a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Remember, you’re not alone! Orchard Fostering is proud to offer support and training to foster parents on a wide range of issues that come up when fostering including supporting LGBTQ+ foster children. Additionally, there are a range of networks and organizations operating in Ireland that advocate for and support LGBTQ+ children and teenagers including BeLonG To, Outhouse, and LGBT Ireland.  

If you’re interested in fostering, please reach out to Orchard Fostering today. We’re available on the phone or via email – you can also fill out a form directly on our contact page.

Applicants from all walks of life are welcome and encouraged to apply to become foster carers regardless of their marital status, sexual orientation or identity, culture or residential status. You can find out more about same-sex and LGBTQ fostering here.